pieces of 2012

pieces of 2012

pieces of 2012

pieces of 2012

the driving of the automobile

I realized today, that I actually have a topic, a life-happening, which I find myself with words to blog about:
driving.

I don't know if I ever mentioned it -- and seeing as I'm to lazy to check my archive and find out, I'll tell you all anyway -- I took drivers ed in the fall of 2011.
Though it was a busy, long few months, it was filled with memorable moments. In fact, it was a lot of fun. I got to spend time and hang out with one of my best friends, Savanah, and we practically lived at her grandparents whilst we took the driving course.
(I live in a small town, the closest place offering drivers ed. is nearly an hour away.)

In time, that successfully passed, though I still was not quite old enough to get my license without having to fulfill that crazy amount of hours.
blah blah blah

Long story short, I don't really like driving, and so I didn't wouldn't.
Not that I had the opportunity to drive all that often, mind you...but still.

So, fast forward to this past Fall of 2012, I turned 18! Yes, you were all around for that.

Now, at that point, I could get my license regardless of how many hours I'd driven, and whether or not I'd taken drivers ed.
I'm sure there are some of you wondering why on earth I bothered taking drivers ed and the simple fact is, I'm thankful I did, because I would be a horrible driver if I hadn't. I would not be nearly as far along as I am. Trust me on this.

Of course, I still didn't get it. My license, that is. I still didn't feel ready. Didn't think I could possibly pass the test.
Really I over-stressed about the whole thing.

Then comes along 2013. A new year. I'm 18. A senior.
At this point, when you want a job, people expect that you can drive...erm, legally. Not to mention decently.

And so it was that I found myself in a rather horrible rush to get my license in case I was hired at a job I applied for.
I ended up not getting the job, (which was actually a relief...another long story, for perhaps another time) and set out to practice driving - more - so I could pass the test.

Here I'll take the liberty of once again fast-forwarding, this time to Wednesday the 24th of April.
My mum and I drove the miles to the closest Department Of Licensing - in the same town I took drivers ed - to get the ball officially rolling for my license.

Lots of confusion, but basically the DOL doesn't do the drive testing any more and, wonder of wonders, my old driving school does!
Thus, off my shoulders went a whole load of stress about the entire thing.
No more having to worry about dealing with a complete stranger whilst driving.

We went to my driving school, talked to my former teacher, and set up a test date for the following Wednesday. May 1st.

So now, dear readers, I am actually rather happy to announce that I passed my driving test!

While I do not yet have my license, it is only because I want to get my Enhanced License so I'll be able to travel to Canada and the like, which the DOL closest to us only does twice a month. So, we're traveling a tad further, to the closest actual city - hopefully within the week - so I can get that out of the way.

*phew*

pieces of 2012

pieces of 2012

pieces of 2012

pieces of 2012

the universe is still

He fumbles at your Soul
As Players at the Keys
Before they drop full Music on --
He stuns you by degrees --
Prepares your brittle Nature
For the Ethereal Blow
By fainter Hammers -- further heard --
Then nearer -- Then so slow
Your Breath has time to straighten --
Your Brain -- to bubble Cool --
Deals -- One -- imperial -- Thunderbolt --
That scalps your naked Soul --

When Winds take Forests in their Paws --
The Universe -- is still --

--Emily Dickinson

reading: harvest by lauren hemphill --- listening: lord of the rings symphony by howard shore

new life rises

from the darkest of depths
new life springs
in the darkest of times
come birthed new dreams
through the despair
hope is found
new life rises

reading: harvest by lauren hemphill --- listening: lord of the rings symphony by howard shore --- watching: the hobbit

a new year

{all images are mine}

messages in bottles
what does the new year hold
can it be found
in pieces of glass
almost a century old
as sunlight catches
as the day falls
as seasons change
comes new years
new hopes
new pains

still light shines through

I'm going to be honest with all of you.

The very idea of 2013 was scary to me.

But it wasn't so much a new year, but the fact that I viewed 2012 as wasted. That my laziness and fear got in the way of everything I could have done, everything I could have accomplished.

Because it's still so easy, so easy to believe in the warped perspective fed by the fear of failure. The warped perspective that by not trying, there is no risk, thus there is no chance of failing.
But by not taking risk, by not stepping out, by not doing anything, by not even trying...therein is failure.

I could have done so much more in 2012. I could have accomplished so much more.

I am blinded to that which I did, but it seems to pale in comparison to what I didn't. To what I could have.

It's the fact that 2012 would, at that strike of midnight, be gone forever. That there would be no more attempts, no more chances, to redeem that year.

And it's that fear that I can already feel dragging me down. The fear that 2013 will be full of failure, that it will, at its end, be viewed as a waste.

I don't want it to be.

So here's what I want to accomplish this year. In 2013.

I want to sell t-shirts and raise the money to attend National Fine Arts Festival in August. It's my last year for Fine Arts Festival, and I want to go all the way. The only thing to ever stand in my way is money. My God is bigger than money.

I want to work hard, to truly believe in my Fine Arts entries. I don't want them to just be something I threw together, knowing it would be "good enough". I want to return to that inspiration, that feeling of joy in what I've created.

I want to finish high school math. It's the only thing standing in my way of fully graduating, I'm the only thing in the way of completing it. My own laziness, and yes, fear, of failing at math kept me from even trying. I want to finish.

I want to pay off my computer.

I want to learn how to use all the programs I have on my computer.

I want to figure out a way to go to college. A way to pay for it. I want to figure out what is worth the cost of going to college.

I want to believe in the possibility of a future beyond what I have always known.

I want to do something, go somewhere, make a difference.

I don't want to rationalize my way out of opportunities to do things because it sounds too risky or too hard.

I want to grow closer with the people I love.

I want to see my best friend's book published.

There's more. Things that don't come directly to mind...but basically, most purely, I want to try. Even if I fail. The attempt itself...for me, is a victory. I want to try, and do, and finish. So at least if I fail, it was an honest failure; because I tried.

here's to life, and hope, and a new year

reading: american poetry: the nineteen century, vol. 2 by john hollander --- listening: megalithic symphony (album) by awolnation --- watching: numb3rs

numbers and time

Where did 2012 go?

I look back on the last 12 months and honestly find it feels like it hasn't been that much.

2012 came. Relentless was my word for the year.

life.is.sweet. continued longer than I expected, but not as long as I would have liked.

I continued with college classes. I shared my paper on human trafficking, hoping to spark some fire of indignation in the hearts of others.

I shared music and the happenings of life.

I bought a tablet and grew in my love of drawing, but still don't draw as much as I'd like.

I worked a number of jobs that blur together.

I earned money for District Fine Arts Festival and attended for the second time.

I bought my first nice camera.

April was 13 years since Columbine.

I read books. Not as many as I would like.

Many friends graduated.

My wisdom teeth were ripped out of my head...though "removed" is a less dramatic way to put it.

I photographed a wedding...the first time even taking pictures of people. Stress.

I attended my last camp and wrote some stuff.

My best friend got to visit my neck of the woods for the first time.

My computer died.

I turned 18.

I worked more jobs.

I gratefully received the blessing of a new computer. Which I am going to be paying off for the next year.

I reminisced on Autumn as my favorite season. And watched as Fall fell to winter.

I ranted about reading.

I took pictures.

I geeked out over many things.

I survived yet another apocalypse. ha

My best friend finished her novel. I created something of a cover.

I made a Christmas card of sorts for all of my internet people.

There was more.
Little things. Crazy things. Things I didn't share or write about or post about. Day to day things. Surprising things. Things all in the middle and on the edges.

Time continues on whether or not we want it to, even if it's existence is only of our making.

So here's to 2013. That weird new number that will be forgotten as I continue writing "2012" on everything.

I don't have a word for this year. Nothing fits yet.
I wasn't so good at relentless in 2012.

But here's to 2012 and all it was. Here's to it's end, and the inevitable beginning of another.

2013.

endings are just beginnings wrapped in strange packages

Merry Christmas!

Just a little something I whipped up yesterday as a virtual Christmas card of sorts to all of you.
I'm not a terribly good artist but I think you'll get the gist of it

from me and my family, blessings this Christmas and in the New Year.

12 Days of Christmas Music // Day 12

Christmas Song // Flyleaf

12 Days of Christmas Music // Day 11

Santa Claus is Thumbing to Town // Relient K

12 Days of Christmas Music // Day 10

Hallelujah (Light Has Come) // BarlowGirl

12 Days of Christmas Music // Day 9

We Wish You a Merry Christmas // Relient K

12 Days of Christmas Music // Day 8

Go, Tell It on the Mountain // BarlowGirl

12 Days of Christmas Music // Day 7

Feliz Navidad // David Crowder Band