Tuesday, March 19, 2013

of drafts and decisions

In my Draft box for Concrete & Grace, I have exactly 40 posts.
40, unfinished, not entirely written, mostly forgotten, drafts.

It's been nearly a month, since my last post. Half hearted and rambling as it was.
Since then I have started a handful of updates, just more writings left behind in the draft box.

Because I haven't been feeling that inspired about it. Because I suppose I've lost the point of why it is I'm doing Concrete & Grace.
I've never really had a specific reason, a purpose, just that I wanted to. I want to. That's enough.
And it still is, I find. It just complicates things when I am feeling so entirely uninspired. And without inspiration, typing up a post that doesn't sound completely insane, a post that maybe someone will actually read and maybe even, in some small way, care about, or like; has turned into a chore.

And here's the thing I've been trying and starting but not finishing to post about: Fine Arts.
I keep going back and forth on how to let anyone know. I mean, does anyone I need to tell actually read this? Who do I really need to tell? Does anyone even care to know? How much of the story of the decision making process, how it is that everything came about, do I tell?
The fact of the matter is,  I don't know. I don't know how to tell everyone this, I don't know how to make everyone understand. So I will but I won't.
I will tell the outcome, flat, straight and true.
How the realizations and decisions came to be as you see before you, I will not explain. Because I will just ramble on, hoping to make everyone happy, make everyone understand.
And that, is most definitely, never going to happen. You can never make everyone understand, and you can most surely never make everyone happy.
So here it is, the final, straight up, no strings attached, news.

I am not doing Fine Arts this year.


Sarah Elizabeth said...

Aw, really? Is this an "I'm totally relieved" or an "Oh my gosh I can't believe I'm not going this year" statement!?

Signed, Your Ever-So-Confused-And-Yet-Loyal-Reader

Siriana said...

Definitely a relieved declaration!
It was a long road of deliberation and realization and prayer to come to the final decision that no, I'm not doing Fine Arts at all this year. I'm not giving up on Fine Arts, my time with Fine Arts is just finished.

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