Monday, April 29, 2013

I am procrastinating

I am procrastinating.

I should be doing a rhetorical analysis of someone else's argument. I should be reading and researching and working very hard on it.

I should be.
But I'm not.

Why is it that that is how things work? When there is something horribly stressful, something that really needs a lot of work and care put into it, something that you should be developing and making into something great; you freeze.
Everything around you stops moving, but continues to move on, without you, all too fast.

And even the things you procrastinate about every single day, dusting, chores, cooking, room cleaning, even those things become a boon, something that absolutely has to be done in that moment. Done then and there, absolutely, as a way of procrastinating against this big, huge, seemingly insurmountable thing, that if only you would just buckle down and do it it's not nearly as hard as you're thinking it will be.

Why is it that my mind seems so broken, to think this way?

It's even worse, when nothing else rises up to meet the need for procrastination. Not even the other things, the seemingly smaller things that actually need done.

So here I am, sitting, mindlessly using time, typing words that mean something, and everything, and altogether nothing.

Because I, am procrastinating.

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