Friday, December 20, 2013
a small update
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
have a listen // i see fire
oh misty eye of the mountain below
keep careful watch of my brothers’ souls
and should the sky be filled with fire and smoke
keep watching over Durin’s son
if this is to end in fire
then we shall all burn together
watch the flames climb high
into the night
calling out father
oh
stand by and we will
watch the flames burn auburn on the mountain side
and if we should die tonight
then we should all die together
raise a glass of wine
for the last time
calling out father
oh
prepare as we will
watch the flames burn auburn on the mountain side
desolation comes upon the sky
now I see fire
inside the mountain
I see fire
burning the trees
and I see fire
hollowing souls
I see fire
blood in the breeze
and I hope that you’ll remember me
oh
should my people fall
then surely I’ll do the same
confined in mountain halls
we got too close to the flame
calling out father
oh
hold fast and we will
watch the flames burn auburn on the mountain side
desolation comes upon the sky
now I see fire
inside the mountain
I see fire
burning the trees
and I see fire
hollowing souls
I see fire
blood in the breeze
and I hope that you’ll remember me
and if the night is burning
I will cover my eyes
for if the dark returns then
my brothers will die
and as the sky’s falling down
it crashed into this lonely town
and with that shadow upon the ground
I hear my people screaming out
and I see fire
inside the mountain
I see fire
burning the trees
I see fire
hollowing souls
I see fire
blood in the breeze
I see fire
oh you know I saw a city burning (fire)
I see fire
feel the heat upon my skin (fire)
and I see fire (fire)
and I see fire burn auburn on the mountain side
Monday, December 16, 2013
35mm's
I made a decision the other night.
A decision I personally look at as being rather adult.
I was concise, logical, I thought it through, and asked for advice.
You see, every month, I make a payment on my computer I bought last year.
I'm really very happy that as of a few months ago, I have it more than half paid off.
I worked again this fall cleaning, and made several more payments ahead. After that job was done for the season, I had a couple of payments that have been sitting on my desk yet unsent.
I had meant to send them sooner, get them off in the mail and be paid up until February.
But something kind of held me back.
I wasn't sure what, and figured there must be some reason to hold off on sending these until I had to.
Well, Friday of last week there was a 24 hour sale on refurbished items in the Nikon store.
For those of you who don't know, I rather enjoy photography, have a knack for it too I've been told.
I've shot a couple weddings of friends and family, done some senior pictures, but I've had to actually turn down job opportunities.
The reason being, I haven't had a lens small enough to achieve many shots and settings.
The lens I have is a rather large, 55-200 mm. I love it, and it's so perfect in it's wide range of uses. I really couldn't be happier with it. Except when I'm indoors, in a confined space.
For the uninitiated, this is because due to it's specs I have to be a minimum of 4-5 feet away from the subject of my photo. And in close quarters, low light situations, or just plain inside most places, things can get blurry, difficult, and downright unachievable.
Because of this I've been striving for a 35mm lens for over a year. Good for landscapes, beautiful background blur, all around photographical situations, and, of course, good for close quarters, indoors, and low light situations.
So, back to last Friday.
Nikon's refurbished lenses are already slightly more affordable due to the fact that they did, at some point, have to be repaired.
My family has always had good luck with refurbished items, and in many cases it's almost a better buy because kinks have been worked out in advance (not to mention the price cut).
On top of that advantage, all the refurbished items were marked down further for the holiday season and for that 24 hours there was an additional 10% off.
I know, 10% really doesn't sound like all that much, and it usually isn't.
But for someone like me, with limited job opportunities in my area, and computer payments, every little bit helps.
And: refurbished + holiday season + 10% off = about $50 cheaper than buying it new.
A deal I could't turn down.
I decided to use my Christmas gift money from my parents, and some of my Jan-Feb payment for my computer, and purchase the lens.
I figure this way, I can get some senior shoots in, finish some other jobs, and with any luck be able to have all the funds back for the next payment in January.
It hasn't shipped just yet, but I'm hoping that it will be here by the end of the week!
In the mean time, I've started to offer a senior photography package in my area, am hoping to be getting some bookings; and all of you can go and check out my flickr.
have a listen // things we lost in the fire

things we lost to the flames
things we'll never see again
all that we've amassed
sits before us
shattered into ash
these are the things
the things we lost
the things we lost in the fire fire fire
these are the things
the things we lost
the things we lost in the fire fire fire
we sat and made a list
of all the things that we had
down the backs of table tops
ticket stubs and your diaries
I read them all one day
when loneliness came and you were away
oh they told me nothing new
but I love to read the words you used
these are the things
the things we lost
the things we lost in the fire fire fire
these are the things
the things we lost
the things we lost in the fire fire fire
<< oh >>
I was the match
and you were the rock
maybe we started this fire
we sat apart and watched
all we had burned on the pyre
(you said) we were born with nothing
and we sure as hell have nothing now
x2
these are the things
the things we lost
the things we lost in the fire fire fire
these are the things
the things we lost
the things we lost in the fire fire fire
do you understand that we will never be the same again?
x2
the future's in our hands and we will never be the same again
x2
these are the things
the things we lost
the things we lost in the fire fire fire
these are the things
the things we lost
the things we lost in the fire fire fire
these are the things
the things we lost
these are the things we lost in the fire fire fire
<< oh >>
flames – they licked the walls
tenderly they turned to dust
all that I adore
Saturday, December 14, 2013
have a listen // fuel to fire
do you want me on your mind
or do you want me
to go on
I might be yours
as sure as I can say
be gone be faraway
roses on parade
they follow you around
upon your shore
as sure as I can say
be gone be faraway
like fuel to fire
into the town we go
into your hideaway
where the towers grow
gone to be faraway
sing quietly along
pious words to cry into the under
upon your shore
as sure as I can say
be gone be faraway
oh what a day to choose
torn by the hours
all that I say to you
is like fuel to fire
into the town we go
into your hideaway
where the towers grow
gone to be faraway
never do we know
never do they give away
where the towers grow
only you will hear them say
sing quietly along
sing quietly along
Friday, December 13, 2013
the bullying experiment
This came across one of my social media feeds yesterday, and after sharing it on Facebook, today I realized I wanted to post it here to share with all of you (however many or few there may be).
Bullying is a seriously problem, especially in America.
One of the most horrible consequences of bullying is suicide, and bullying is most common inside our schools.
Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death for Americans age 15-24. [x]
I know first hands the effects bullying has. And despite all the anti-bullying campaigns schools implement, it doesn't do much unless we all get serious about standing up and saying no.
I've always been taught by my parents to fight back, to fight for those who can't, to stand up for what I believe in and say "no, this isn't okay" when something is happening that isn't right or that I don't agree with.
In my own experience, I've come to know that standing by and doing noting, being a bystander when someone is being bullied, is just as bad as doing the bullying yourself.
Please, please, please, keep yourself and others safe. Bullying can only be prevented, and stopped, if we stop it. If we stand up, and we say ENOUGH.
have a laugh // asdfmovie
Whether asdfmovie is an old favorite, or you're new, if you tread forward I do so sincerely hope you have a laugh.
Thursday, December 12, 2013
have a listen // flaws

when all of your flaws
and all of my flaws
are laid out one by one
a wonderful part of the mess that we made
we pick ourselves undone
all of your flaws
and all of my flaws
they lie there hand in hand
ones we've inherited
ones that we learned
they pass from man to man
there's a hole in my soul
I can't fill it
I can't fill it
there's a hole in my soul
can you fill it
can you fill it
you have always worn your flaws
upon your sleeve
and I have always buried them
deep beneath the ground
dig them up
let's finish what we've started
dig them up
so nothing's left unturned
all of your flaws
and all of my flaws
when they have been exhumed
we'll see that we need them
to be who we are
without them we'd be doomed
there's a hole in my soul
I can't fill it
I can't fill it
there's a hole in my soul
can you fill it
can you fill it
you have always worn your flaws
upon your sleeve
and I have always buried them
deep beneath the ground
dig them up
let's finish what we've started
dig them up
so nothing's left unturned
<< oh >>
x2
when all of your flaws
and all of my flaws
are counted
x2
you have always worn your flaws
upon your sleeve
and I have always buried them
deep beneath the ground
dig them up
let's finish what we've started
dig them up
so nothing's left unturned
<< oh >>
x2
all of your flaws
and all of my flaws
are laid out one by one
a wonderful part of the mess that we made
we pick ourselves undone
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
geekery, school, and blogging
(Or, if you're reading this via bloglovin, or an email subscription, click here to check it out!)
I was going to go with a classic black and white, but along the way the idea of a deep blue background and coinciding color scheme invokative of the winter night sky just wouldn't leave my mind. Obviously it's not that far template-wise from what I had, but it is simple, elegant even. And most of all: I really, really like the change.
I've used the back-to-back C&G logo in the past, but wanted to bring it back in a more classic font (Times New Roman has grown on me.) for it to have uses further into the future. Inspiration for it can be closely linked to the well known Chanel logo.In other news, yesterday I finished getting my financial aid stuff worked out, and am officially - and happily - registered for classes! Registered, with textbooks reserved, and extra funds awarded left over! I am so incredibly thankful!
I only have three classes right now, just enough to fulfill my requirements for financial aid (12 credit minimum). Just general, get it out of the way classes. Namely: music appreciation, intro to film, and a computer sciences class focusing on Excel.
For incredibly nerdy reasons that involve both WTNV and Star Trek, I am in love with this shirt I bought a few weeks ago that arrived in the mail on Monday.
Last night my family and I watched Epic for the first time; and I have to say, I wish I had taken the time to see it sooner!
I thoroughly enjoyed it, from the soundtrack, to the comedy, the action, the vocal talent, to (of course) the gorgeous animation.
Wow.
It earns a definite recommendation from me!
That's really all I have for now, but don't miss today's other post; one of my recent, favorite songs, from one of the albums I've had on repeat for the last month. And check back in tomorrow for some more tunes, and Friday for some hilarity in the form of a favorite YouTube video.
have a listen // the silence
I speak of Bad Blood by Bastille.
It receives a thorough recommendation from me, for both the particularity of the music itself, and for the lyrics.
Every morning for over a week after I downloaded the album I had one of the songs playing in my head when I woke up.
So sit back, get out your headphones, and have a listen.

tell me a piece of your history
that you're proud to call your own
speak in words you picked up
as you walked through life alone
we used to swim in your stories
and be pulled down by their tide
choking on the words
and drowning with no air inside
now you've hit a wall and it's not your fault
my dear, my dear, my dear
now you've hit a wall and you've hit it hard
my dear, my dear, oh dear
it is not enough to be dumbstruck
can you fill the silence
you must have the words in that head of yours
and
<< oh >>
x2
can you feel the silence
I can't take it anymore
'cause it is not enough to be dumbstruck
can you fill the silence
tell me a piece of your history
that you've never said out loud
pull the rug beneath my feet
and shake me to the ground
wrap me around your fingers
break the silence open wide
and before it seeps into my ears
it fills me up from the inside
now you've hit a wall and you're lost for words
my dear, my dear, my dear
now you've hit a wall and you hit it hard
my dear, my dear, oh dear
it is not enough to be dumbstruck
can you fill this silence
you must have the words in that head of yours
and
<< oh >>
x2
can you feel the silence
I can't take it anymore
'cause it is not enough to be dumbstruck
can you fill the silence
if you give it a name
then it's already won
what you good for
what you good for
x4
it is not enough to be dumbstruck
can you fill this silence
you must have the words in that head of yours
and
<< oh >>
x2
can you feel the silence
I can't take it anymore
'cause it is not enough to be dumbstruck
oh
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
and winter came
Winter arrived. It came on the wind, arriving stealthily in the night just as everyone in our small community seemed to have finally accepted summers end, and falls fire.
That's often how it is here. The seasons go on changing, but no one can seem to accept them, or even enjoy them to their fullest as they're too caught up in mourning the passing of the last.
Me, I do so love the changing seasons. I take joy in savoring each moment of every one of them.
The first buds of spring, the lake in summer, every aspect of fall, and the clear, cold, starry, snow filled skies of winter.
Seasons change on the wind. If you have a knack for it, you can hear the next coming.
Each has their own sound, their own smell. Their own feeling that can call upon memories of seasons past.
Though it seems like the seasons are changing faster than ever, I'm finding that it's all the more reason to enjoy every aspect of each of them.
To seize the day.
here's to life
Sunday, December 08, 2013
Here's the thing...
As it is I have considered on more than one occasion whether or not I should "abandon" this blog completely.
That isn't going to happen; the recapping, excuses, nor abandonment.
So this post isn't a recap of everything that has happened since I last posted. It isn't any excuses for my lack of ambition towards this blog.
It is just a post. A post about how I am, and what is happening now.
As of right now, on the eve of a new Monday, I have many things I need to accomplish this week.
The one closest to my mind is some rather big news.
I have been wading my way through the financial aid process this fall at the continued insistence, encouragement, and support of my parents. While it, both their support, insistence, and encouragement, and the process, have at times been completely overwhelming to me - carrying the anxiety that I do - I am very glad for all the help I've had. Not only from my parents, but from an old teacher and very much from the lovely lady who works at the local branch of the closest community college.
It's been harrowing for me to say the least.
But I pressed on, in no small feat for one such as myself. (non-committment girl)
While my biggest anxiety springs from the doubts about my future, not solidly knowing just what I want to do, study, or even if I wanted to go to college, I find myself very...relieved, at where I find myself.
When it became clear that I should be eligible for what could be really good financial aid, I had to decide.
Since I have been working already for a couple years, gathering credits in general classes - such as history, english, and the like - it became clear that if everything were to be paid for, I might as well continue in that and obtain my AA degree.
All that general stuff that takes up two years in normal college.
At least then it's more transferable than just credits of classes completed, and it's that much less I'll have to find a way to pay for should I decide upon attending a university to have a more focused study.
After all the paperwork and communication it took, it was time to wait. And for the last month and a half (give or take a few days) I have been waiting. First, waiting for the last form to go through, and then mostly and mainly just waiting to be awarded funds.
I am on the brink of exuberance when I say that, upon checking just this past week, I was finally awarded funds for winter, and spring quarter!
Tomorrow, I am hoping to find out just what all it is covering. With any luck there will be some left over for textbooks. Fingers crossed, eh?
I still don't know just what I want to do in my life, I have dreams, ideas, wishes, sure. But I have no definitive direction right now.
I'm not sure what scares me more to be honest; not having a direction, or having one.
It is my hope that as I finish up my general classes things will become clearer.
And, whether or not it is on to some university after that, or something else entirely different;
here's to life
Sunday, June 09, 2013
Something's Gotta Give: The American Higher Education System
There is a great societal impression upon us that a higher education - read a degree - is imperative to success not only as far as our careers go, but the rest of our lives. The key to middle class, as it were. In fact, “The completion of postsecondary education has become a minimum requirement for young adults seeking a place in America’s middle class” (Quinterno 4). However, despite the pressure to go to college, no matter what it takes, at the same time there is something of a conflict in the “advice” of society, such is a pressure felt by many students. It is shown here expressed in this tumblr “chat” post. One blogger demonstrates a students feelings regarding this societal pressure and conflict.
Over the past decade alone, major changes have come about in the economy of the United States. A disturbing amount of funding for colleges has been cut. As far as higher education is concerned, the cost of college has risen, scholarships have changed and even disappeared; all the while the average income of the middle class American has not seen much of a rise. “Although the incomes of the bulk of American households stagnated over the past two decades, the price of higher education escalated steadily” (Quinterno).
In speaking with adults - who are considered both middle-aged, and middle-class - the general consensus among those who did not attend a college or university, but instead pursued job and career opportunities straight out of high school, is that they made the right choice. They found themselves already in well paying, management positions, in their careers by the time friends who attended college or university were graduating. When those who attended college reached graduation, they were already into their 20‘s, with loans to pay off, little or not job experience, and finding it difficult to secure employment. Many of those who did pursue higher education are just now, upwards of 25 years after graduating from a college or university, are finally nearing, or successfully paying off loans taken out to pay for their education.
How frightening is it that the rest of one’s life can be so immeasurably defined and impacted by the attempting to further education after high school? According to recent data, the number of American’s with student debt shot up in 2012; from 23 million in 2005, all the way to 37 million (qtd. in Mitchell).
What comes after college? Higher education seems to be viewed as something where the ends justify the means. But is the massive debt worth a degree, and does a degree truly guarantee success in life, and the job market?
Back in the day, having secured a degree or some form of higher education made you stand out. It said that this was someone who values knowledge and has the drive to commit to succeed. In an article published in The Economist, the writer expresses that American higher education is “Not what it used to be” (“Not what it used to be”). However, in today’s world, having a degree from an institution of higher education is rather commonplace. Uncollege.org, posits essentially that because so much of the working population has gone, or is going to college, a degree no longer guarantees success (UnCollege.org/about). Erika Andersen, in her article for Forbes.com expresses that “in the US, we over-rely on time spent in school as a measure of intelligence…and of fitness for a job.” As it is, many subjects are considered something that a student will not find employment in. In one such instance, via Forbes, Peter Cohan goes so far as to suggest that some subjects should be altogether removed from higher education, just to avoid post-college un-employment, “...cut out the departments offering majors that make students unemployable.” While such a suggestion is drastic - and quite possibly detrimental to the overall growth of knowledge on a personal basis - as far as having a better chance of a job after college, he’s not necessarily wrong. “...academia’s effort to preserve its special exemption from the laws of economics is becoming too burdensome for many students, parents, and lenders to bear” (Cohan).
There are, however, alternatives to the higher education system of today. One of which has been around for centuries, but has sadly been pushed aside and frowned upon. The apprenticeship. “Largely overlooked...apprenticeships offer a promising route for preparing...students for high-skilled jobs and professions.” In her paper on apprenticeships and the place they could have in American higher education, author Diane Auer Jones suggests something slightly different from what we all feel and know; “maybe college isn’t broken”.
Sadly there are students considered “at-risk”. Students who deal with learning disabilities such as ADD, ADHD and dyslexia, for example, do not learn in the same way as the average student and benefit as “kinesthetic learners” in the environment an apprenticeship provides (Jones 1). Not only do apprenticeships offer a way of learning better suited to those who need to understand the real-world applications of what they’re being taught, but they also bridge that gap between school, and working to pay for it. “For apprentices...school is work and work is school, so learning and working occupy the same space and time, rather than competing for attention” (Jones 2).
Forbes, one of the worlds most acknowledgeable in the world of business and finance, has a website that can be found surprisingly packed full of articles introducing the wisdom of postponing, or even avoiding going to college altogether.
All the while, not attending an institution of higher education at all is also an option (Schlack).
So what is the solution? While I am only a student aspiring to further my knowledge, and myself do not have the experience to definitively suggest a solution, it’s safe to say that there is something wrong with the way the higher education system is operating. Lack of funding, societal pressures, the financial situations of most students, the high costs of an education, economic and career stability, all have lead to a growing cynicism and disillusionment. It’s time for a revitalization in education.
I propose, perhaps it may oversimplify a complex and pressing issue, and what I’m proposing would be no small feat; but what if higher education was not just seen as something you have to do, but a way to expand your mind and prepare you for your future? What if college didn’t cost an insane amount of money that will take you a lifetime to pay? What if instead of having to invest money in general classes, students were only required to take classes directly relevant to their chosen career or degree; thus cutting down on costs. True, some students require general studies, but many are very similar, if not in some ways, the same as what was (supposed) to have been taught in high school. What if general studies were the electives?
What if the higher education system were to evolve and merge with apprenticeships to create degree programs that not only instill knowledge, but also real world application and experience. All while focusing on the things that are of direct import to the students area of study and chosen career.
Tuesday, June 04, 2013
June
Wow. Where has this year gone? I feel like it was just last week that 2013 began, and now here we are, half-way through the year.
There's a lot ahead for me this summer, and the last couple weeks of my college classes. Honestly, there's so much that I'm stressed about. But there's so much that I'm excited about too!
I'm going to be adventuring for the first bit of summer vacation. Though I suppose I could look at it rather that I'm adventuring for the first bit of my gap year. Wow...
I have no idea what the future holds, and I'm stressed and it freaks me out, but deep down inside there's an inner sense of peace, calm, and belief that greater things are yet to come.
That this, is only the beginning.
Sunday, June 02, 2013
Friday, May 31, 2013
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Thursday, May 23, 2013
we're not just seniors, we're graduates
We're not just seniors, we're graduates. We're adults.
There's this great big future ahead of us filled with decisions, and opportunities.
We've all gone through so much, and life is just beginning. Our stories don't end here.
And even though it's close to the bit I shared for last year's graduates, I don't think it's lost it's meaning. I'm home schooled, I don't get a graduation ceremony. So sit back for the cliche but (hopefully) ultimately meaningful, because this is my podium.
We've done it. Somehow we've managed to successfully navigate the stormy sea that is not only school, and highschool, but a good portion of our lives.
While it's painful being on the receiving end of my pun-shenanigans, con"grad"ulations.
Now, has cliche and potentially unwelcome as it may be to attempt to impart these bits of wisdom I've managed picked up along the way; I have found that we, the human race, are a fickle and forgetful bunch. As such we need to not only be reminded of things but to have them continually pounded into our heads. Preferably by someone who cares. So onward I write.
Firstly, one of the great lessons of life (and high school) is thus, "we can't control the things that happen to us, but we can control how we respond to them". Perspective is everything. We can choose to take what life inevitably throws at us, and allow ourselves to be made bitter and give up or we can have it be a step to take us higher. To build ourselves up and make us better. Everything is a choice.
Secondly, people are people and you can never make everyone happy. There's always going to be someone who will complain about, belittle, and mocks us. It's not just high school, it's life. As someone who's actually been working and doing some college classes for a while now, I can say it's pretty messy and doesn't change much. Because unfortunately, there's people like that everywhere, everyday. It's where that perspective thing I just mentioned comes into play. We can let them tear us down, or we can just let it be motivation to be strong and move on.
Thirdly, "Remember what you've learned in the light, and never doubt it, even if you spend years in the dark." There are up's and down's. Welcome to life. I know it's one of the hardest things to do, but always try to remember the good, the positive, and hold onto it; especially when things are bad. Don't let the time of darkness make you lose sight and forget all the good that has happened, and all that is just around the corner. Don't give up, this isn't the end.
Fourthly, this isn't the end. As the ever cliche, but still usefully truthful saying goes, "When God closes a door, He opens a window." And, in one of my few and far between moments of what could be called a philosophical-wisdom, I have can be quoted as saying: "endings are just beginnings wrapped in strange packages". Strangely, that seems to have a deep, inherent meaning; and I think that maybe, just maybe, I was onto something. It's so easy - especially when we're young - to let little things stand in our way, let little things feels like "the end of the world". Well, here's the thing, endings aren't all bad, and chapters have to end for new one's to begin. Endings are just beginnings wrapped in strange packages.
Fifthly, "when life gives you lemons..." Okay, we all know where this could go. Bear with me, because as a person who - as I image to be sarcastic and slightly pessimistic - penned somewhere: "When life gives you lemons...throw them at people". (Please feel free to laugh here.) So whether we decide to throw the lemons at people, or make lemonade; take a step back, keep perspective in mind, and just use those dang lemons. Heck, lemons make everyday water different. Just use the lemons.
Lastly, as my penchant for Latin dictates, I want to share words I carry with me, and thus feel I should impart in closing.
All that I've said, choose to take it or leave it, listen to me or not. Everything's a choice. Let's just use the lemons, okay?
Friday, May 17, 2013
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
unfortunate days
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