Here's the thing...

I haven't posted in months. In fact, I have started many, many posts but have found myself unable to finish them because I become overwhelmed with my excuses and recapping.
As it is I have considered on more than one occasion whether or not I should "abandon" this blog completely.

That isn't going to happen; the recapping, excuses, nor abandonment.

So this post isn't a recap of everything that has happened since I last posted. It isn't any excuses for my lack of ambition towards this blog.

It is just a post. A post about how I am, and what is happening now.

As of right now, on the eve of a new Monday, I have many things I need to accomplish this week.

The one closest to my mind is some rather big news.
I have been wading my way through the financial aid process this fall at the continued insistence, encouragement, and support of my parents. While it, both their support, insistence, and encouragement, and the process, have at times been completely overwhelming to me - carrying the anxiety that I do - I am very glad for all the help I've had. Not only from my parents, but from an old teacher and very much from the lovely lady who works at the local branch of the closest community college.
It's been harrowing for me to say the least.
But I pressed on, in no small feat for one such as myself. (non-committment girl)

While my biggest anxiety springs from the doubts about my future, not solidly knowing just what I want to do, study, or even if I wanted to go to college, I find myself very...relieved, at where I find myself.

When it became clear that I should be eligible for what could be really good financial aid, I had to decide.
Since I have been working already for a couple years, gathering credits in general classes -  such as history, english, and the like - it became clear that if everything were to be paid for, I might as well continue in that and obtain my AA degree.
All that general stuff that takes up two years in normal college.
At least then it's more transferable than just credits of classes completed, and it's that much less I'll have to find a way to pay for should I decide upon attending a university to have a more focused study.

After all the paperwork and communication it took, it was time to wait. And for the last month and a half (give or take a few days) I have been waiting. First, waiting for the last form to go through, and then mostly and mainly just waiting to be awarded funds.

I am on the brink of exuberance when I say that, upon checking just this past week, I was finally awarded funds for winter, and spring quarter!

Tomorrow, I am hoping to find out just what all it is covering. With any luck there will be some left over for textbooks. Fingers crossed, eh?

I still don't know just what I want to do in my life, I have dreams, ideas, wishes, sure. But I have no definitive direction right now.
I'm not sure what scares me more to be honest; not having a direction, or having one.

It is my hope that as I finish up my general classes things will become clearer.

And, whether or not it is on to some university after that, or something else entirely different;
here's to life

LISTENING: on our way by the royal concept (re)READING: fellowship of the ring by j.r.r. tolkien WATCHING: downtown abbey