Our internet has been down, it's been up, the speeds have bounced around like nobody's business.
This has obviously had many, many a consequence, especially where my school work is concerned.
But, also my blogging and ability to work on my wifi-external-hard-drive-located photography.

So, here's some of my recent instagram captures for all of you, since this can't quite be the post I would like it to.

Hope you're all having a wonderful weekend!

-Siriana

WATCHING: pride and prejudice LISTENING: paramore's self titled album

Today, or rather for the sake of technicality, yesterday, I had the privilege of going snowshoeing with one of my best friends.
With the opportunity for photography in front of me, she successfully lured me from the house and not only just out of the house, but outside.

I had an amazing time, and now at 1:30 am on Tuesday, much later than I had wanted to stay up - lacking enough sleep as it is already - I couldn't help posting but one picture.
Not only because I feel it rather sums up the adventure, but also is a good preview for the photos to come.

No edits, no corrections, straight from my camera, to Lightroom to be watermarked, to your screens.

Hope you're all having a splendiferous week, I myself am off now to get some sleep.

-Siriana

WATCHING: brooklyn nine-nine LISTENING: '+' (album) by ed sheeran READING:'girl in the arena' by lise haines

have a listen // now

don't try to take this from me
don't try to take this from me
<< NOW >>
x2

feels like I'm waking from the dead
and everyone's been waiting on me
at least now I never have to wonder
what it's like to sleep a year away
thought we were indestructible
I thought we could brave it all >>
I never thought that what could take me out was hiding down below

lost the battle >>
win the war
bringing my sinking ship back to the shore

starting over >>
we'll head back in

there's a time and a place to die
but this ain't it

if there's a future we want it
<< NOW >>
x4

don't try to take this from me
don't try to take this from me
<< NOW >>
x2

wish I could find a crystal ball
for the days I feel completely worthless
you know I'd use it all for good
I would not take it for granted
inside a house of memories
for the days I don't feel anything
at the least they'll remember
not to make the same mistakes again

lost the battle >>
win the war
bringing my sinking ship back to the shore

starting over >>
we'll head back in

there's a time and a place to die
but this ain't it

if there's a future we want it
<< NOW >>
x4

there's a time and a place to die
there's a time and a place to die
and this ain't it
there's a time and a place to die
and this ain't it
THIS AIN'T IT >>
THIS AIN'T IT >>
there's a time and a place to die
there's a time and a place to die
and this ain't it >>
NO >>

if there's a future we want it
<< NOW >>
x3

if there's a future we want it
<< NOW >>
<< NOW >>
<< NOW >>

have a listen // home

I've got these letters
tattooed on my arm
that remind me each second
of where I come from
and the long hard road
to guide me back home

back to my mama
who raised me up right
and back to my lady
who I held every night
it's a long hard road
trying to get home

I'd been gone now
for too long

[Chorus:]
I'm not trying to stop a hurricane
I'm not trying to shake the ground below
I'm just trying to find a way to make it back home

I'm not trying to part the ocean waves
I'm not trying to overthrow the throne
I'm just trying to find a way to make it back home

I'm just trying to get home

I've got this image engraved in my mind
of a light that I had in a whole different time
it still breathes
and lives
at the end of the road

I've seen mountains and valleys
through my missing days
but I never once parted
with how you begged me to stay
I will run down that long hard and treacherous road
to get home

[Chorus]

I've been gone for so long
but my heart it carries on
as it pounds like a drum
on my journey back home

I've been gone for so long
but my heart it carries on
I won't give up

[Chorus]

I'm just trying to get home [X2]

by hand

WATCHING: castle LISTENING: 'he moved through the fair' by david arkenstone

have a listen // unstable

you came out of nowhere
but who could you hold wild horse unstable
do you still do as you're told
think you're wild and you're free now
think you can cover me
well save yourself
pretend like you don't do what you're told

come around
let me in

how can I talk you down from that ledge
unless you let me in

you heard when I called you
but you still lost your way

are you able
to do just what you know

taught me to trust now
yet you have no faith
in yourself
why can't you believe in what you know

come around
darling
let me in

how can I talk you down from that ledge
unless you let me in

how can I talk you down
unless you come around

come around
come around

come around
darling
let me in

how can I talk you down from that ledge
unless you let me in

come around
let me in

I'll talk you down from that ledge
if you let me in
lovely

this is home

Not all of these pictures are the best, many aren't quite focused.
But this is a post I've been thinking about, and working on for quite a while. I don't even want to get into how long it took blogger to upload them.

Nonetheless, it's a post that has manifested an inspiration, and even been started, a few times before.
And here it is now, as seen through my 35mm lens one of the first nights I had it. I spent that evening taking pictures of just about anything, and everything.
I started developing how to shoot manually, and after everyone else was gone to bed, I was still awake, with my camera; taking pictures of the only thing I had left to take pictures of in the waning hours of that day. My room.
This is bits and pieces of my room, of the things I keep and display, this is little pieces of me and who I have been, who I am, who I am becoming.
This is home.

carpe diem // patientia // memento mori // memento vivre

WATCHING: much ado about nothing LISTENING: 'once upon a dream' by lana del ray

have a listen // once upon a dream

I know you

I walked with you once upon a dream

I know you

the gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam

yet I know it's true

that visions are seldom what they seem

but if I know you

I know what you'll do

you'll love me at once

the way you did once

upon a dream

but if I know you

I know what you'll do

you love me at once

the way you did once

upon a dream

I know you

I walked with you once upon a dream

I know you

the gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam

yet I know it's true

that visions are seldom what they seem

but if I know you

I know what you'll do

you'll love me at once

the way you did once

upon a dream

but if I know you

I know what you'll do

you love me at once

the way you did once

upon a dream

I don't know about all of you, but I am so incredibly excited for Maleficent. She's a character that truly scared me witless, and gave me nightmares when I was a youngster. Now that I'm older and have something more akin to an appreciation for her character, I am so delighted and thusly looking forward, to seeing a reboot/spin off that focuses on her rather than Aurora.
This debuted at the Grammy's earlier this week, and really for me, when the trailer hit the web.
So here it is, in all it's haunting, spine tingling, chill, the song I've had on repeat for a couple days now.

have a listen // dead american

shock to the system cause you’re out of control
saved your body but you’re losing your soul
you really feel this?
you really feel this?
we’ve got so much but so little to show
falling down but we follow the goal
we really need this
do we really need this?

I won’t live
on the lie
we’re told
we’re told, we’re told

we’ve got it right
we’ve got it right now
we’ve got it right
we’ve got it right now
we’ve got it right
we’ve got it right now
we’ve got it right
we’ve got it all

don’t care about those who you try to impress
hide the demons there under the dress
you really got them
you think you really got them

I told you
"show the world
who you are
who you really are”

we’ve got it right
we’ve got it right now
we’ve got it right
we’ve got it right now
we’ve got it right
we’ve got it right now
we’ve got it right
we’ve got it right
we want it all
we want it all back
we’ll take it all
we’ll take it all down
we want it right
we want it right now
we’ll take it all
we want it all

…of the dead American dreams
dead American dreams
I chose to
to be free from testifying
indebted American dream

we’ve got it right
we’ve got it right now
we’ve got it right
we’ve got it right now
we’ve got it right
we’ve got it right now
we’ve got it right
we’ve got it right
we want it all
we want it all back
we’ll take it all
we’ll take it all down
we want it right
we want it right now
we’ll take it all
we want it all

an inky catch up

I realized yesterday, that it had been two weeks since my last post. Time flew by, full of plans and procrastination, as per usual with me, and the next thing I knew regarding Concrete & Grace is that it had been a while since blogging.

So, here we are, at another Tuesday, time for a catch up.

Monday before last, I started my college classes. Something I've been mentioning for a while as an upcoming thing.
I'm taking classes include Intro to Film, Music Appreciation, and Excel 101; for those of you who may have been wondering.

Youth group started back up halfway through that week. For those of you who don't know, I fully transitioned from student in our youth group, to leader this year. I've honestly been enjoying it and I know it's exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. Out of all the things going on with life and adulting and everything I fully believe that it's something I should be doing. It's a bit out of my comfort zone to commit to doing something like that, not to mention be in a position where I am an adult, but I think I'm doing well.
One of the things I'm in charge of is funny videos every night, but they have to be super clean! Which is obviously very difficult, being restricted to no bikinis, no profanity (including what the hell, and oh my god) and no super violent stuff. So, if anybody has anything along those lines, that would be great because I've actually exhausted my playlist, and haven't had a lot of influx.

Thursday and Friday evenings of that week I spent with a couple different friends. Thursday marathoning the first two episodes of this current, though now ended, season of Sherlock. And Friday, immersing another friend into the Lord of the Rings fandom with the extended edition of Fellowship of the Ring. Soon to be joined by the rest of the trilogy, but of course.

The final episode of this season of Sherlock aired. To be honest I was still of reeling from it, for about a week. But from the standpoint of the fans, it ended happy. Now we're in the dread hiatus, which, well things get weird when fans wait. Good news is though, they're fast-tracking season four for a Christmas 2014 release.
Fingers crossed!

Lately I've been listening a lot to Agnes Obel's album, Aventine which I've posted some of before. I've rather gotten into the habit of having my iPod at about 1/2 or 1/4 volume under my pillow with it playing when I go to sleep at night.
Absolutely gorgeous album - haunting, beautiful - piano melodies and vocals by her. It's an altogether perfectly splendid album with many lovely songs to have on repeat.
I've also been listening once again to Hanson's newest album, from summer 2013, Anthem. It's title is perfectly indicative of what you'll find in the album, some straightforward, anthemic jams.

A couple weeks I was using my favorite pen - read here my only actual pen - when I noticed it's starting to jam weird and is nearing it's last legs. In addition, I'm almost out of the ink cartridges it takes and those are hard for me to get, and continually increasing in price. So I started doing my research, looking around, and decided it was time to change the game. I ordered my first ever fountain pen from Goulet Pens, along with a bottle of ink, and have to say am extremely happy. I ordered it on a Thursday, right before the weekend, and was fantastically happy to have it in my mailbox on Monday.
Not only are they one of the most affordable as far as writing retailers, (I really looked around.) but they're a family owned business with a small staff working out of Virginia, and if that wasn't enough, they have a multitude of resources and videos for people at every stage of fountain penning.

I've rather enjoyed doing all my homework, as well as journaling, and doodling, since I received my pen; a Pilot Metropolitan and J. Herbin Èclat De Saphir ink. The pen is exactly what I wanted, a great starter at under $20, and the ink is positively gorgeous. I definitely had the T.A.R.D.I.S. in mind when I saw the color, and decided it was time to take a break from my many years of black ink, to try something that would stand out, while still remaining classic.
Highly suggest going to check out Goulet Pens, they are wonderful in all respects.

I've surprisingly been enjoying my intro to music class, I think I'm enjoying my film class, but I get anxious sometimes because of how much writing and work it kind of is. But I'm learning things, and definitely enjoying film and music more.

Hope you're all doing well, make sure to comment below to let me know what you're enjoying listening and watching to this week!

here's to life

carpe diem // patientia // memento mori // memento vivre

WATCHING: castle LISTENING: young volcanoes by fall out boy

have a listen // pass them by

we come together
here we go
around the fire
here we go
flaming higher
here we go
o my surprise a fever grows

lamps will glimmer on the gloom
prey on the light in the room
as we fill it to the brim
we say the words we take them in

oh how the hills were laughing
how the creeks they cried
how the grass would cheer on
as we passed them by

room for many
room for few
here in the dark I made for you
oh why do I hear you and believe
that we come together to make it sweet

oh how the hills were laughing
how the creeks they cried
how the grass would cheer on
as we passed them by

small things

Today has been a busy day.
I attempted to wake up early. Six o'clock turned into seven. Which turned into eight. Which finally turned into 8:30 when I finally woke up and got out of bed.
My goal was to jump on my chores early, which I feel I did successfully.
Took some time to check my various feeds, enjoyed a breakfast/lunch and got back on some cleaning.

Today I took care of taking down the Christmas tree, packing away the ornaments.
And stealing the new purple lights to string up in my room behind my computer.
Which my mom wasn't happy about...she wanted them. Needless to say I barely avoided most of the smacks which came from the pair of socks she was holding. (Good natured smacks, but she really wants these purple lights.)

I reminisced over the ornaments, got intensely frustrated with the lights on the tree, as-per-usual.
Drew up some plans with my dad for a tree-alternative for next year. (Top secret stuff ;)
And once again returned my school desk to a clear and functioning state.

I start my college classes officially tomorrow.
Taking down the Christmas tree was part of my preparation, knowing I will be needing my desk.
I am planning to wake up early and shower so I can get down to our college branch to pick up, and pay for my books.

Last night I realized, and decided it's time for a new bible.
While my current bible is the only one to make it this long without falling apart from use, and is still in good condition, it's full of highlighting, notes, and the commentary. While these are all good, teaching, reminding things, it's time for a change for me.
I just know it, I'm not really sure how to put it better than that.
I want a fresh start with my bible. No commentary, no highlighting or notes, no extra bulk.
Just plain and simple. So that, in a way, I can start over. Find fresh insights, and study the way I'd like to; without past teachings, commentary, and highlighting distracting me.
I'm in the market for something simple. I want it sturdy, to last, but something in the slimline family so that I quit making the "it's so massively heavy" excuse about taking it with me places.

I finally got to see The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug on Friday night. It takes what seems like forever to get new releases at our movie theater, but it did indeed arrive and there was no way I could wait another day.
It almost goes without saying, thoroughly enjoyed it so incredibly much. Soundtrack, actors, photography, effects; what's there not to love.

And, of course, earlier this week a point of geeky excitement was the new season of Sherlock starting. It's been two years in the waiting, and I do believe the fans are very happy with the result. Fantastic opening episode, with a new one airing tonight. Only one more episode (they're about an hour and a half long) before the end of the season.
The first two seasons of course, can be found streaming on Netflix instant play!

Though school is starting, I have resolve to read more. To finish all the books I'm in the middle of reading and re-reading, to read the classics I haven't gotten to, and to read more than just fiction. Read to learn.

And, this is top secret now, I've been working on starting a YouTube channel.
It's coming.
Shhhhhhh

here's to life

carpe diem // patientia // memento mori // memento vivre

READING: fellowship of the ring by j.r.r. tolkien LISTENING: the silence by bastille

have a listen // do or die

in the middle of the night
when the angels scream
I don't want to live a lie that I believe

time to do or die

I will never forget
the moment
the moment
I will never forget
the moment
the moment

and the story goes

<< on >>
x3

that's how the story goes
that's how the story goes

you and I will never die
it's a dark embrace

in the beginning was life
a dawning age
time to be alive

I will never forget
the moment
the moment
I will never forget
this night
we sing
we sing

<< on >>
x3

that's how the story goes

fate is coming
that I know

time is running
got to go

faith is coming
that I know

let it go

here right now
under the banner of heaven
we dream out loud

do or die
and the story goes

<< on >>
x3

and the story goes
<< on >>
x3

this is the story

fate is coming
that I know
(this is the story)

time is running
got to go
(this is the story)

fate is coming
that I know
(this is the story)

let it go

here right now
under the banner of heaven
we dream out loud
dream out loud

fate is coming
that I know
(time to do or die)

time is running out
(time to do or die)

fate is coming
that I know
(time to do or die)

let it go

new years eve

As I am sure all of you will have realized, it is New Year's Eve.
At least it is here in snowy Washington. Obviously there are other places in the world where it's already 2014, but for me and my point in time, 2013 remains.

If you're looking for it, here's my 2013-2014, end of the year, reflection type post.
And here's Christmas.

I start school next Monday. I'm a little bit anxious about it really. I've been rather excited. Then the excitement changed to completely ignoring the fact, to being stressed about it.
I know I shouldn't be worried about it, and that I'll do fine, but here I am; anxious.

I've been sick these past couple weeks. First with that which was akin to the flu, and now with something that is either a head cold, or a sinus infection. I really don't recommend it.

My listening has again broadened this past week or so, having downloaded some new albums.
My recently added playlist currently consists of:
Disc 1 of Devotion by Anberlin
the soundtrack for Pitch Perfect
a couple of Josh Garrels albums I didn't have
A Song For The Search by Solstice
Speak Every Word by This is the Giant
Home by TRAVELLER
Modern Vampires of the City by Vampire Weekend
and finally Rise by Skillet
and We As Human's title album since I should be seeing them in concert next month.

And of course, I am still thoroughly enjoying the album Bad Blood by Bastille, as well as the American Authors self titled EP.
The album I feel taking me into the new year however, is one that I listened to very much this summer, Love Lust Faith + Dreams by Thirty Seconds to Mars. What is probably my favorite song from the album, Do or Die, inspired my typography/art at the top of the post. (have a listen coming tomorrow!)

I am hoping to be finishing Fellowship Of The Ring today, to add another check to the number of times I've read it. Planning to follow it with Two Towers at some point, though quite possibly not before I finish The Silmarillion and Girl In The Arena, which I'm also re-reading. Not entirely sure. But I've been trying to reignite my passion for reading to what it once was.

Friday I am eagerly awaiting my chance to go and see The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. An avid Jackson and Tolkien fan though I am, I have yet to see this long anticipated continuation of the trilogy's prequel. Our movie theater is small, and privately owned. One movie a week, Friday - Monday, one showing per day at 7pm. Thus we are lucky to get movies a month or so after their general release. It's an understatement to say I'm excited.

I am hoping to spend my New Year's Eve with a dear friend, marathoning Sherlock in geeky anticipation for the season three return, tomorrow.

Right now however, I have chores to finish, work I should do, and reading I'd really like to do.

See you all next year.

merry christmas

Christmas was a quiet day for us, hanging out, enjoying special foods we don't get the rest of the year, listening to Christmas movies.

I spent some time over the Eve and Day of Christmas learning to shoot manually with my camera, it's something I enjoyed immensely, and many of the pictures above are posted as I shot them, edit-less (except for my watermark, of course).

From my family to yours, wishing you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.

LISTENING: songs for christmas (ep) by branches WATCHING: doctor who christmas special

this is 2014

It's almost 2014, and once again all I can think of are all the things I haven't accomplished. All the things I haven't started, finished, done, thought through.

There's always something holding me back.
Anxiety.
Fear.
And really just me.
Me.

I am my own worst enemy.
I am a procrastinator, I am a worrier, I am fearful.

I am so fearful I often dare not dream. I dare not dream because dreaming leads to hope, and then, sooner rather than later, reality swoops in and beats it all to a bloody, bloody death. Then all I am left with is wishing, and imaginings. Things that are unfulfilling, distracting, wasting.

I don't put special stock in 2014.
Every year holds something new, and different. Whether the new and different is another experience of pain or happiness or exploration, all lead to growth.
I don't put special meaning on 2014.
Because every time I put a special meaning on yet another year, I always find myself at the end of that year with a handful of regrets for everything I built it up to be.

As I am here, on my computer, under my bed, in my room, hoping that this is to be my last day of sickness, I am reading my post from the beginning of this year. This post.

And I am filled with what feels like a hot, molten ball of lead in my stomach.
And at the same time, a feeling akin to flight.

Perhaps it is just whatever bug that has been being fought off by my body, perhaps it is something else.

Perhaps it is that though
I did not go to National Fine Arts Festival, for it was no longer for me.
I didn't finish math particularly.
I haven't yet paid of my computer.
I don't yet know how to use all the programs on my computer.
I haven't yet figured out what I want to go to college for.
I still fell into rationalizing my way out of opportunities when things sounded too risky or too hard.
I didn't yet see my best friends book published.
I did other things. Things that I didn't particularly imagine.

Because this year, this year I made headway.

I learned Flash and Photoshop. And got college credits for them to boot. That's not all the programs, but it's two classes, two down, and I'm starting to teach myself DreamWeaver. Not to mention figuring out Lightroom.

I have my computer more than half payed off. I worked hard, I payed ahead, I haven't missed one payment yet.

I did find a way to pay for college, in a manner. I asked for help. I was encouraged and supported by my parents to get financial aid, to continue working on my general classes and get my AA degree.

And while there is always the temptation to back down, I stood my ground this year.

I'm a leader in our youth group. Because I don't just know it's where I'm supposed to be, I believe it.

I learned to not let myself be walked on just because I'm an employee. I have knowledge, I have experience, and I will not be treated any less.

I went to Colorado for a month. I spent time with my best friend. I got lost. I took pictures (though not as many as I'd like). I wasn't expecting to go to Colorado. I worked hard to go to Colorado. I traveled on my own for the first time, I took care of myself. Yeah, it was little compared to the feats of many others, but for me, for me it was huge.

I learned so much, about other people, what they believe, about what I believe. I've grown as a person.

I've learned that it's okay to be a geek, a nerd, a dork. To be intensely passionate about something. Even if it is "just a story". Because too many people go through life missing out on allowing themselves to love something, to connect with something, to know way to much about something, to let themselves enjoy something so wholly.

I haven't yet seen my best friends book published. But I believe her time is coming, that her book is amazing, and that even greater things are in her future, it's only just a matter of timing.

So 2013. I tried. I did. I finished. I failed. I worried.
But I succeeded.

And yeah, yeah there's regrets. There's always regrets.
Even if they're little ones we don't realize, or pretend them away, they are always there.
I think that's one of the great lies of the fantasy we mix with reality in our society. That the most meaningful victories are those made without regrets. There are always regrets. There always will be. It's how you handle them, how you live with them, how you move on from them, that matters.

So you know what, maybe I'm not exactly where I want to be as 2014 rounds the corner. I'm not where I wish, imagine, or dream to be. But those are just wishes, imaginings, and dreams.
I want the authentic, I want to make my reality better than a fantasy. In its reality.

So 2014. One way or another, I have no idea what it holds. It is another year.
I don't have a word for it. I don't have a dream, or a list, or a resolution for it. I don't put special stock, or meaning into it.
Instead I put special stock, special meaning, into me.
In what I will do, in what God will do, because when it comes to both perhaps the best thing is that I have no idea.

carpe diem // patientia // memento mori // memento vivre

a small update

I haven't updated in a while, this week wound up being kind of busy, and then well, I got sick.

That's where I'm at now in fact. Laying on our unfolded fouton, wrapped in blankets, watching tv and typing this out on my iPod.

I woke up yesterday morning feeling like my skull had been bashed in, accompanied by the weight of naseua, and such feelings persisted as I had no choice but to adopt a bucket as a companion for the rest of the day. 

Luckily today the bucket and I aren't so close, and with lots of water and ibuprofen I've been managing to keep the headache at bay. 

LISTENING: christmas song by flyleaf (re)READING: fellowship of the ring by j.r.r. tolkien WATCHING: 2 broke girls

have a listen // i see fire

oh misty eye of the mountain below
keep careful watch of my brothers’ souls
and should the sky be filled with fire and smoke
keep watching over Durin’s son

if this is to end in fire
then we shall all burn together
watch the flames climb high
into the night
calling out father
oh
stand by and we will
watch the flames burn auburn on the mountain side

and if we should die tonight
then we should all die together
raise a glass of wine
for the last time
calling out father
oh
prepare as we will
watch the flames burn auburn on the mountain side
desolation comes upon the sky

now I see fire
inside the mountain
I see fire
burning the trees
and I see fire
hollowing souls
I see fire
blood in the breeze
and I hope that you’ll remember me

oh
should my people fall
then surely I’ll do the same
confined in mountain halls
we got too close to the flame
calling out father
oh
hold fast and we will
watch the flames burn auburn on the mountain side
desolation comes upon the sky

now I see fire
inside the mountain
I see fire
burning the trees
and I see fire
hollowing souls
I see fire
blood in the breeze
and I hope that you’ll remember me

and if the night is burning
I will cover my eyes
for if the dark returns then
my brothers will die
and as the sky’s falling down
it crashed into this lonely town
and with that shadow upon the ground
I hear my people screaming out

and I see fire
inside the mountain
I see fire
burning the trees
I see fire
hollowing souls
I see fire
blood in the breeze

I see fire
oh you know I saw a city burning (fire)
I see fire
feel the heat upon my skin (fire)
and I see fire (fire)
and I see fire burn auburn on the mountain side