the birthday wishlist

Dear friends and family,

This coming Monday, October 1^st, marks the date as 18 years since my birth in the fall of 1994.

Many people find this to be an important birthday (turning 18) and I have been asked more often than not, what I’m doing to celebrate.

Not really anything has become my standing answer.

Just to get things straight, I’m not expecting gifts from anyone, nor am I asking for them.

But if any of you feel compelled to send a gift my way I would like you to know something.

As I have gotten older, I’ve learned the respect of earning my own money and working for things I want. I’ve come to understand and commit to the importance of investing in things that will be tools not only to my education, but also to my work.

A few years ago I took a course on the basics of web design; the end result was a not only a new outlet for design and creativity but also a newfound appreciation for the work that goes into building a website. I learned a lot and found myself surprised at how much I enjoyed it.

For years I’ve enjoyed photography and just this spring saved my money and invested in a good photography camera.

At this point in time I have had the same basic laptop for four years. It has served its purpose well and gotten me through many a college essay and project. But, my little laptop is reaching the end of its life. Sadly it’s becoming more of a problem than a help, and is barely up to the task of running one program at a time. This, in the realm of wanting to grow as a designer and photographer, makes doing so rather difficult.

It also makes all of my (online) college classes rather difficult when I don’t have a working computer.

Unfortunately, a computer that meets my needs for doing web and graphic design as well as photography professionally is rather pricey. Because of the few small job opportunities I have where I live, I’m working as much as I possibly can on top of school and family activities.

Therefore, if anyone is interested in knowing what I would like for a birthday gift, I would be ever so extremely thankful for contributions to the fund for my new computer.

Thanks so much for your time, support, and reading this little letter of mine.

Hope you’re all doing well, and thank you for the birthday wishes.

-Siri

life starts now

This summer is blending into a blur of something and nothing to do, punctuated by ideas and inaction. With music, tears, epic times and stories to be told at the seams.

I've changed this summer. For the better.
My last year at camp, many of my friends having graduated and there is a future growing more prevalent to worry about.
Things have changed.

I haven't been on blogger as much as usual, as much as I used to.
Ever since summer started I don't think I've checked my feed much. In fact, I'm irredeemably behind.

I'm excited and afraid of a new school year, of college classes.
Afraid of my own failure and math.
Excited to learn.
Afraid of how much everything costs.
Excited to almost be done.
Afraid of my computer's continued downward spiral.
Excited to grow.

So I leave you, not with apologies and excuses for not keeping up or writing - because I don't think anyone much of notices anyway - but with a song.

you say you feel so down
every time I turn around
you say you should've been gone by now
you think that everything's wrong
ask me how to carry on
we'll make it through
another day
just hold on

'cause life starts now
you've done all the things
that could kill you somehow
and you'r'e so far down
but you will survive it somehow
because life starts now

I hate to see you fall down
I'll pick you up off the ground
I've watched the weight of your world come down
and now it's your chance to move on
change the way you've lived for so long
find the strength you've had inside all along

'cause life starts now
you've done all the things
that could kill you somehow
and you'r'e so far down
but you will survive it somehow
because life starts now

all this pain
take this life and make it yours
all this hate
take your heart and let it love again
you will survive this somehow

life starts now

you've done all the things
that could kill you somehow
and you're so far down

life starts now

you've done all the things
that could kill you somehow
and you're so far down

life starts now

music and lyrics copyright Three Days Grace

greater things // post camp writing

amazing love

amazing grace

more than just these words

more than just

a song we sing

it's written on the stars above

it's written on the earth below

on the cross of Him who bore our sins

in the blood that turns us white as snow 

it's burned into 

(the) hearts accepted

the beating of our lives

it's found inside the souls of changing

where true destiny lies

it's shown in a life surrendered 

in the eyes of fighting free

amazing love

amazing grace

in the destiny

of GREATER THINGS

Jesus Party of Awesome // video

Since I am terribly terrible when it comes to recapping the fantasticness that is camp, I shall leave you with the official camp video. Jesus party of awesome.

to see last year's video, click here

computer woes

After getting my wisdom teeth out I was planning and setting up a job that will have me working a weekend in July, a weekend in September, and every weekend in October.

All through August I have another job that I'm working, in a lab.

And so I started seriously talking about replacing my computer.
Sure, it's something that I've talked about in passing, just in consideration; never serious.

But I looked at how much I'd be making and started seriously talking, and seriously looking.

As irony would have it I was talking and browsing and my computer told me "hey, you need to update some stuff."

I figured, yeah, yeah that's important. Let's do that.

A service will be held tomorrow for the passing of my computer which I believe to be no more. Judging by its failure to install updates followed by the blue screen of death and upon it's every attempt to reboot, three more blue screens of death; I would say my laptop has officially reached the end of it's life. This is bad. Very, very, insurmountably bad.

-July 10th via facebook

Little did I know what repercussions a standard update would have.

For those of you who won't know, I've had my computer since the fall of 2008. So it's been almost four years.
Seven months after I bought my computer - right after the battery warranty expired - my battery became obsolete. Except for possibly keeping the connections free from obstructions my battery has been dead weight for the last three years.
That was only the beginnings of my problems.

Don't get me wrong, I love my computer. I bought it, I use it for work and school and I thank God for the provision of it.

It's served me well.

But on with my story.

I updated, normal, useful updates that are usually helpful.
But about halfway through the process of downloading, running and installing updates my computer suddenly lost internet.

Thinking this strange I worried that the router for our wifi had been turned off.
Um, no.
That was working fine.

Something went wrong, the internet was seemingly gone...and then came the blue screen of death.

The bearer of bad news when it shows up on a computer.

And it kept going. Blue screen of death, restart, blue screen of death.

Here's basically what happened via my Facebook updates...

This is what happens when I start seriously discussing getting a new computer. Mine decides to die and fail completely...when I'm still two years of funds out from even getting a new one. -July 11th

Well...my mom and her magical computer knowledge (thank you mom!) managed to get my computer to actually turn on last night and run a scan. everything came up fine. then we turned off the computer and went to bed. turned it on this morning and everything looked fine but as soon as I turned on my wifi *BAM* blue screen of death. So I've hard wired into the wifi router and was able to finish the updates that were interrupted last night because my computer suddenly crashed. Unfortunately, completing the updates didn't solve my problem. -July 11th

I had been planning on buying a lens I need for my camera but with all the computer problems, and crashing, and failing I've been having...it looks like I don't have much choice than to work really hard and spend a lot of money on a new computer. I still won't have it in time for school but...can't really be avoided I'm afraid. -July 14th

And that's the end of my story. The story of the end of the life of my computer.
It's still running or...somewhat...
I'm still never really sure if and when my computer is just going to die. I've been expecting something like this for about a year and a half now...it's coming slower than I thought but it's happening...

I won't have the money for a new computer by the time I need it, the computer that is, but hopefully I'll pick up even more along the way.

I can't believe it's been almost a month.

Almost a month since my last post on July 29th.

About having my wisdom teeth out.

Lots of fun that was.

Now I have just as of a few hours ago returned from the annual Jesus Party of
Awesome. Also known as camp.

Camp was amazing and awesome and I'm so sad it's the last year for me.

And I'm conflicted because I'm missing that I won't have camp like that again but at the same time I'm happy to be home and of course still wishing I was still there.

God does amazing things and I'm not even sure where to begin.

But as of this moment in time...I don't really have the time to start. It's the land of unpacking, and catching up on sleep for me.

Fingers crossed there will be a recap someday, eh?
At the very least I can guarantee I'll be posting the official camp video when it shows up on YouTube.

But for now, things to do and my best friend is up staying for the next week. So much to do, so little time.

Hope this finds you all well.

blessings~

meh-dication and wisdom teeth

In the hopes of avoiding further pain and price later in my life, the morning of Wednesday June 27th I was placed under anesthesia and had my wisdom teeth extracted.

Apparently, the actual surgery only took about 15 minutes. Which is funny (in a not-so-funny-more-like-frustrating-to-me kind of way)because I was in the surgery room and had the IV in for almost an hour.

By the way, IV's hurt. Well, when your vein decides to spasm up and down all over the place, they hurt.

The point at which the doctor came into the room and administered anesthesia all the way up until I got home is something of a blur...I remember most of it but it's becoming increasingly hazy.

Now of course, it's been something a little over 48 hours.

The night before the extraction we spend the night with some friends (to avoid having to drive two hours, super early in the morning, to make it to surgery).

I bought a “large kid” pizza from Papa Murphy’s.
Meaning a large half cheese half pepperoni.

haha

Me, the large kid.

Then the next morning I show up like a 7 year old boy or something to surgery with my blanket, in my pajamas, complete with Captain America shirt.

I have no regrets.

Except the pain. But I can't really help that.

I seem to have a high tolerance when it comes to pain medication. Meaning it doesn't particularly work as well as it should for me.

Yeah, super fun.

On the brighter side of things though, I only had to have three removed...instead of like some of my cousins who had to deal with 7. Yeah, 7 wisdom teeth. Crazy genetics we've got.

Anyways, I think I'll stop there...before I write something crazy or stupid that will sound fine in my medicated head but surely later be found as idiocy.

reading: abraham lincoln vampire hunter by seth grahame-smith --- watching: doctor who // avatar: the last airbender

life lately

chocolate and oatmeal cookies.

wet fur and big eyes.

written words and lost imagination.

the Doctor, and waiting for Rose to come back.

music too loud, colors too bright.

geekery and laughter.

pen and paper, colors and ink.

pictures and drawings.

tumblr and lots of gif's.

school end, summer start.

rain and hail and wind.

hot tea and buttered toast.

family and smiles.

endings and beginnings.


And that, in abstract, is life lately.

to the graduates

Wow. You've done it. Somehow you have successfully navigated the stormy sea that is not only school, and highschool, but a good portion of life.

Forgive my pun-ness, con"grad"ulations.

Now, has cliche and potentially unwelcome as it may be to attempt to impart these bits of wisdom I have picked up along the way; I have found that the human race is a fickle and forgetful people and as such we need to not only be reminded of things but to have them continually pounded into our heads.
Preferably by someone who cares.
So onward I write.

Firstly, one of the great lessons of life (and high school) is thus, "we can't control the things that happen to us, but we can control how we respond to them".
Perspective is everything. We can choose to take what life throws at us and allow ourselves to be made bitter and give up or we can have it be a step to take us higher. To build ourselves up and make us better. Everything is a choice.

Secondly, people are people and you can never make everyone happy.
There's always going to be someone that complains about, belittles and mocks you. It's not just high school, it's life. Unfortunately, there's people like that everywhere, everyday.
It's where that perspective thing I just mentioned comes into play. We can let them tear us down, or we can just let it be motivation to be strong and move on.

Thirdly, "Remember what you've learned in the light, and never doubt it, even if you spend years in the dark."
There are up's and down's. Welcome to life. And while it's one of the hardest things to do, remember the good, the positive and hold onto it; especially when things are bad. Don't let the time of darkness make you lose sight and forget all the good that has happened and is just around the corner.
Don't give up, this isn't the end.

Fourthly, this isn't the end.
As the ever cliche, but still usefully truthful saying goes, "When God closes a door, He opens a window."
And In one of my few and far between moments of philosophical wisdom I have can be quoted as saying: "endings are just beginnings wrapped in strange packages".
And strangely, that has some deep meaning and I think that maybe, just maybe, I was onto something.
It's so easy, especially when we're young, to let little things stand in our way, let little things be "the end of the world". Well, endings aren't all bad and chapters have to end for new one's to begin.
Endings are just beginnings wrapped in strange packages.

Fifthly, "when life gives you lemons..."
Okay, we all know where this could go.
Bear with me because as a I person I would image to be sarcastic and slightly pessimistic penned somewhere: "When life gives you lemons...throw them at people".
So whether you decide to throw the lemons at people or make lemonade; take a step back, remember perspective and just use those dang lemons. Heck, lemons make everyday water different.
Just use the lemons.

And lastly, as my penchant for Latin dictates, I feel I should impart these words in closing.

carpe diem // patientia // memento mori // memento vivre.

seize the day (with) patience (and) endurance (despite) suffering. remember mortality (and) remember to live.

All that I've said, choose to take it or leave it, choose to listen to me or not. 

Everything's a choice.

Just use the lemons, eh?

nope, still alive...

It's been a long time since I last posted and it's time to stop procrastinating. 

You see, my last post (working + saving for this = no posting) was essentially a teaser to the fact that I was saving to get a camera.

Well, one month and three days later I'm happy to say that not only did I finish the job (painting) shortly after that post (within days in fact) but I ordered my camera and...as things that are ordered do...it came. 

When I planned this post (about the time I last posted in fact...) I meant for this whole thing to be a video...but after not having the time and realizing I didn't really like how I looked in the video...videos...that just hasn't happened. 

Though I plan on it happening some time in the future. 

Other than that it's just been school and lots of friends graduating this year. Oh, and  not quite as much picture taking as I'd like. Lots of rain right now...not that I'm complaining, it's my kind of weather.

Con"grad"ulations to all my friends who have graduated this year, Amanda and Lauren in particular! 

hope you're all well, summer is coming! 

reading: the night circus by erin morganstern --- listening: price tag by jessie j

p.s. to keep up with more random escapades and bits follow my tumblr, things are never dull...

working + saving for this = no posting

Prophecy of the Sisters by Michelle Zink

Prophecy of the Sisters is a riveting story of a life-changing prophecy, placing the sisters on different sides.
Twists, turns, and almost on the edge of my seat awesomeness, I definitely suggest this book.
Author, Michelle Zink, takes myth and legend (though more out of the way legend...not typical, read it again and again re-done mythology) and though it weaves a story, breathing into it new life.
Since this was an awesome book, I give it a 4 out of 5...due to a slight amount of content...seriously, only slight nothing really bad or anything...well...unless your one of those hard-core magic hater peoples, than this isn’t your kinda of book. You can safely skip it.
But, for those people who get that it's just fiction, read on.

Finishing Prophecy of the Sisters, was resigning myself to good-book-withdrawals.

My rating: 4 out of 5

(this review was originally written in May of 2010 and published on my now-no-more book review blog)

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Just wanted to let you all know I'm not dead, just busy! BIG updates coming soon!

six word stories

The lovely Fernweh Magazine blog has posted a fantastic post of six word stories that I found both entertaining, ingenious and inspirational. (Now try saying that five times fast!)

The idea of a six word story has been introduced to me before but never has it had such an impact on my way of thinking. For they are simultaneously simple and deeply meaningful. Scant few words with underlying emotion.

So, upon review of my current notebook/journal I realized that I often write "six word stories". While not exactly six words in all cases since I started this notebook little over a month ago I have been using simple, rambling words, phrases, lyrics just rambling about. And I do in fact, have a few six word stories of my own...so here is my version of a six word story:

what's your six word story?

Columbine: 13 years

One of my favorite quotes is by Rachel Joy Scott. In fact, I love it so much and feel it defines part of me so well that I made a huge sectional banner that extends across a wall in my room.

I write
NOT for the sake of glory
NOT for the sake of fame
NOT for the sake of success
but for the sake of my soul

That was written by Rachel Joy Scott, the first victim of the Columbine school shootings.

When I was at camp a last year, after morning service, during small group time. It was asked of us "who inspires you?". My answer? Rachel Joy Scott.

But I never really got to explain why.

Though I'm not sure what it is I would've said anyway.

I am NOT a beer chuggin', pot trippin', drug dealin' Christian
I AM a God lovin', satan slammin', Jesus freakin', world changin', Christian.
I AM A WARRIOR FOR CHRIST
--Rachel Joy Scott

You see, her story, her journals, her writing and life have inspired me in so many ways.
Helped me to grow in my walk in Christ and God has spoken to me through her words.

Something I want Him to do through my words someday.

Some people would say that her life was wasted, she was so young when she was killed.

But in fact, its rather the opposite.

While her death is tragic beyond words, her life and what it meant is so worth celebrating.

Her life wasn't wasted.

“And as Christians, we need to remember to walk our talk.”--rachel joy scott

Her memorial service was broadcast to people all over the country, all over the world.

And because of her story, thousands of people came to Christ and still are.

Teens stepped forward to "pick up the torch" that had been dropped at her death. (check out the book(s) for more info)

God had has a plan for it all.

He's got this.

What if you were to die today? What would happen to you? Where would you go? Tomorrow is not a promise, but a chance. It may not be there for you. After death, then what? Where will you spend your eternity? Will you have eternal life with your loving Father? Or will you be ripped from the arms of your Savior. Eternity is in your hands; change it!
-Rachel

Do you know what was written on the cover of her last journal?

"I WILL NOT BE LABELED AS AVERAGE"

Me? I don't want to be labeled as average either.

“I am not going to apologize for speaking the Name of Jesus, I am not going to justify my faith to them, and I am not going to hide the light that God has put into me. If I have to sacrifice everything…I will.” --Rachel Joy Scott {1 year before her death}

As of today, it has been 13 years since the Columbine school shootings. And it seems that no one cares to remember.

But I say remember, remember and never forget.

this post is dedicated to Rachel and Cassie as well as all those who died, and sacrificed their lives in the defense of others, 13 years ago. and to the families of those lost. God bless.

Fine Arts Trip Day 3 & 4

Next day is Fine Arts at a rather big (thought not as big as last year) church.

I canceled my Short Sermon entry as I felt my sermon wasn't ready etc...and my Spoken Word performance wasn't until after lunch.

Originally there were 4 girls and 2 guys doing spoken word, though it looked like it came down to only 3 girls and two guys. The guys went first and were really good. One of them was the same guy who received Superior with Invitation to Nationals and the Merit Award last year. Then I was up.
Now, I think it's worth mentioning, that part of spoken word, or any performance art really, is feeding back off our audience. This wasn't hard for the first two guys because they had HUGE youth groups as well as family and friends that packed the room. People who shouted things like "AMEN" and "tell it" and things like that. Supportive. People they had been practicing in front of for months (since September).
I on the other hand, had only had since January when I finally found out the theme. Not very long. Not only that but it is really hard to feed back off your audience when the only other people in the room are 3 judges, your mother, a random dude and the next girl and her leader. Yeah...
So, after both the other girls dropped lines halfway through their performances, surprise surprise the guy that won last year got the same this year. But, the other guy also got Superior with Invitation to Nationals.
And none for Siriana. *sigh*

Ah well, wasn't in my favor to begin with. Whatever. I still don't think the judges know what spoken word is...thus they responded better to the rap-like stylings and deeper voices of the guys.

But, I did pretty much the same as last year in T-Shirt Design and Poetry. Superior with Invitation to Nationals in Poetry, and Superior as well as the Merit Award (highest scoring) in T-shirt design.

Some of you may be wondering about if I'm going to National Fine Arts Festival. Well, the answer is no. I would need about $2,500 in the next two weeks...money that if I had I probably would spend on something more like a new computer and web design software so I could do that for work.
You see, Nationals is in Louisville, Kentucky. Which is on the other side of the country. Think 3,000 miles.
Which to go would mean, registration and ticket costs, finding someone to go with me, plane tickets, car rental, gas, food, and a hotel for a week. Craziness and lots of money.

Fine Arts Trip Day 1 & 2

Reading other blogs always makes me want to come and write something on my own (blog)...right now I am so enjoying Oh Restless Bird, Thoughts of a Shieldmaiden as well as the lovely stylings of Roz over at Clothes, Cameras, and Coffee.

And so I felt it was due time I posted again, and definitely about my district Fine Arts trip this past weekend!
Alright-y...where to begin where to begin... Well, we left on Thursday morning, (the 12th) and while originally having planned to leave home at 9am we barely made it out by 10am. This is, I will admit, mostly my fault because there were last minute things I needed to do but I needed help or something with so had waited for everyone else then they all had to wait for me...yes, confusing, I actually have no idea...yes moving on.
Obviously Thursday was a confusing, frazzling morning for me. I didn't really sleep much the night before, lots of tossing, turning and waking up in the middle of the night. Not restful at all. Thank goodness I didn't have to navigate.
Now, last year it was just my mother and I and so I was the person with the maps as we had never been to where we were staying and needed to watch for exits and continually consult the google maps prints.
We arrived at our destination about 6ish after approximately 6 hours in the car (not counting the stops).
Yet another fitful night, though this time because of sleeping in an unfamiliar bed...
Next day, attempt to sleep in but to no avail. Decide we're going to the aquarium...
Google maps our way to the aquarium, have enough to pay for two hours of parking...rush through aquarium (super cool!), mumble yell at the lacking not working camera a lot, and finally get a bunch of pictures:

Exit through aquarium shop, I of course buy a shirt (it's a weakness of mine). Though it is a pretty epic shirt. Tie dye with some cool floral digital printing on it and a classic collegian logo placement


Meanwhile, mum has gone ahead to the car to make sure her baby *cough* dog is alright.
Oh, did I mention we took our chihuahua with us? Yes...on the whole trip. She's too adorable to leave home. Don't believe me? She has a tumblr: http://therealspec.tumblr.com/.

P.S.
That was Pooky in all my pictures! Something I do is take pictures of him all over the place...kind of like people do with that gnome.
Last summer Pooky got to travel all across the country!...without me...obviously this bear is much better traveled than I!

have a listen - Safe & Sound

I've had this on repeat for the last couple days. Love, love, love it.
 Hope you're all well, send good thoughts and some prayers up for me Saturday at Fine Arts Festival.

You might be a homeschooler if...

If you missed my last 'have a laugh' post, click here.

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To many, these will make little sense. It's almost kind of an inside joke for anyone who has homeschooled, or known homeschoolers. Either way, have a laugh!

Homeschoolers - 7 myths debunked

Since I am virtually away for a while, here is something I immensely enjoyed via YouTube. I'm pretty sure that I will be sharing a selection of other videos from this channel relatively soon. It's just fantastic.
Have a laugh my friends!

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Why I homeschool and what I do...well, I get asked those questions pretty much all the time. In the future, I think I may just be referring people to this video. Hilarious and true! Enjoy.

hey everyone

I know, I know...no posting.

Last week was abuzz with the fact that I was trying to finish one job, to start another job, while doing school, doing finals for college classes and trying to have some semblance of Fine Arts entries done...ish.

Basically, Fine Arts Festival is in a couple weeks, I've entered in the categories of Poetry (writing), Spoken Word (speaking poetry essentially...click here or here to see what I mean), T-Shirt Design, and Short Sermon Sr.

And as of this moment...I actually have none of them done.

I've been working on all of them for months, have bits and pieces, many ideas for each of them...it's just that nothing is working or coming together yet...nothing feels right. So I'm still working on it.

Thus I am busy and stressing and just haven't had the time to blog. And believe me, if I did, it would be some deranged, rant-y, I'm-so-stressed-I'm-going-to-explode, type post. Which really isn't good for anyone...*nervous laugh*

Anyways...in my defense, I actually have a few post-ideas and bits lined up that I just haven't had the time to finish that should hopefully be making an appearance before, after or during Fine Arts. (I think that just means "whenever"...)

to my family, friends and bloggie readers, hope you're all well

Hopefully I shall be returning soon...with inspiration.

blessings,

-Siriana